Umiko

On July 13th Lucas Ryan was born into this world. It's amazing how different life has been since the day our son was born. I thought mothering a newborn would be more difficult, but happily it's been mostly smooth sailing. I think we might be adjusting to some kind of routine now, but every day has been an unpredictable adventure. There have been many laughs, moments of tearful anxiety and so many more overwhelming emotions.

The most beautiful part of being a mother so far has just been holding him to my chest and enjoying him.

Oy. So I've passed my due date (yesterday) and I am agitated. All the adorable doggy snuggles, kisses from hubby and cushy cat naps on the couch have not eased my absolute jumping off the wall excitement of giving birth to the little person inside me. The more thought I have put into natural child birth, the more the idea appeals to me. Putting aside the fairly significant risks of having a needle shoved into my spine (epidural), I am terrified that I will feel like I missed out on something afterwards. If you're a mother, you're probably sitting there shaking your head with your eyes rolling in their sockets and you're thinking I am absolutely delusional. That's fine. I can handle being wrong, even very painfully wrong, but I don't want the regret to plague me afterwards.

My basic comfort level has severely decreased over the last 5 days. I have been partially waddling around because of swollen feet and a baby's head bearing down into my right hip and cervix. Yesterday, while trying to "walk the baby out" in the historical Jamestown settlement, my hands swelled up. I'm talking puffy dragon swelling, so much so that I was afraid they may have to saw off my wedding rings... Thank God I got a gorgeous pedicure recently, I don't think I'd be able to look at my feet otherwise. Oh, and my bed. Honestly, the more pregnant I've become, the more uncomfortable my bed has become. Sleep has been a trying experience. Waking up at 5 a.m. to go to the bathroom isn't a big deal, but it is when you can't go back to sleep afterwards.

Luckily my father-in-law couldn't sleep either and we met each downstairs this morning. After easing the growling hunger pains in my gut I dressed myself. I haven't worn my tennis shoes in ... 6 months? Socks? Almost impossible to put on by myself. We walked out to the water and admired the large ships cruising by us. As the refreshing breeze swept away the last of the sandman, I felt incredibly grateful to live where I do. I feel like a washed up fish when I don't live by water, and here I am, only a couple of minutes away before I see the horizon stretched over endless blue water. In some respects it's even more beautiful than the Mediterranean because here I have the benefits of familiarity and homey comforts. We walked along the seawall and stopped to watch a tiny tug boat drag a barge through the choppy waves. We stayed there a long while talking. I haven't spent much time alone with my FIL and it was wonderful to delve into more personal one-on-one conversation with him.

I want to clean my house, because that's what I do when I get bored, but I know I will wear myself and my back out doing it. I'm tired of TV, of the internet, of staring with a longing gaze into the empty crib... I should probably start a new knitting project, it's a guaranteed and much needed distraction. Which reminds me, I still have a few photos of FOs to post soon. I've already tried photographing the baby sweaters several times to no satisfaction of mine. They just don't come out right on photos.

My in-laws have been staying with us since Tuesday. They have truly been a godsend. My MIL has been amazing at helping me out with everything at home. It's been strange having someone else take care of my chores and cooking, activities that not even my husband will pitch in with despite my very pregnant state. We now have everything for the baby that we were missing and a kitchen fully stocked.

We have two days until our due date and time has been crawling by at a record slow pace. My husband's, "Tell him to hurry up," comments are also slowly starting to grate on my nerves... I've heard that women often go into labor when it's a full moon, but no such luck tonight - that is, unless I go into labor in the next 40 minutes! I'm equally, if not more, impatient as my husband but I am better at concealing that fact.

Having family and friends around has kept me from much knitting. The baby blanket my husband knit on the loom is now finally finished with a crochet border I did while they played the Wii. I finished my niece's sweater last week. I'm happy to have the distraction of family and friends because it's been making the days pass a little faster. I guess I will make it to knitting group tomorrow after yet another doctor's appointment. I'm a bit uneasy driving anywhere by myself these days, I'm weary of going into labor while at the wheel.

Well, I'm going to tuck myself into bed. The last two days my main activity has just been sleeping.

Yesterday and today my best friend since Kindergarten came to visit. We spent two days reconnecting, enjoying the outdoors and having some fun with "ghost hunting" jokes. I haven't seen her since April when my husband and I went home for the baby shower my mother-in-law hosted. I've been lucky enough to spend four days with her this year. We went seven years without seeing each other while I was in Germany.

It's amazing to me how two people can meet as little children and maintain a friendship for so long and through so many changes. Long ago in fourth grade she moved to another city, but it didn't prevent us from seeing each other. We wrote each other letters on colorful stationary and covered them with stickers, always declaring our commitment to staying friends forever. Twice a year we'd have sleepovers and celebrate birthdays together. When we were both in High School she moved to another state and we continued to stay in contact through mail and very long car rides.

Here we are, 20 years after Kindergarten. I can't begin to describe how blessed I feel to have someone like her in my life. We're two incredibly different people, but our love for each other is unconditional. It's been wonderful to see her during this transitional time in life, especially after we've missed out on so much. She brought along her boyfriend and our men got along like old friends.

So, as my flowers have started to bloom and change, so has my life. I don't believe there's been a time in life when I've felt so fulfilled - surrounded by family, friends and blessings, each day has taken on a new beauty.

Yeah, it's the one of the topics you don't bring up in social situations. Probably for good reason. I'm not going to air my views here, I'm not even going to define them. What I will do is yack for a moment about other people's views and how they choose to express them.

One link led to another and I landed on a very opinionated man's blog about politics. His posts were, from beginning to end, all negative. He listed off one terrible act after terrible occurrence. It was a lot like watching the (bad) "news" on television. I am all for freedom of speech and expression, but I am just as much for personal responsibility and accountability. I am so very tired of the blame game. I'm also tired of the comparison game, the magic-answer game and the downright negative everything's-going-to-hell game.

I think that if people stopped complaining about this and that and instead chose to become more proactive, issues that seem to so disturb certain people may have the chance of being solved. I think that if we stopped pointing fingers and started using our hands for good more would be accomplished. Words accomplish little, but hands can mold, shape and change things!

I don't think it's okay to spread hopelessness to a nation that needs hope. I don't think it's okay to spread the message of hate to a nation and a world that has a lot of learn about tolerance and true love. Yet, most importantly, I don't think it's okay for all these people to think they know how to run the world better than the next man, when they should be praying instead of judging.

I know, in a perfect world. Such the idealist.

This morning I discovered the first zinnia bloom as I was watering the plants outside. A solitary, beautiful little straggler.

After a visit to the local yarn shop I went to knitting group and crocheted the rest of the second sleeve on the second sweater I've made for my son. As I was sewing the pieces together and daydreaming about what my son is going to look like, my phone rang. "Mom" showed up on the display. Now, you know that any phone call that starts with the question, "Are you sitting down?" is usually not a good one. I guess I knew what she was going to say, but it didn't make it any easier.

Mourning is a funny thing. One moment everything is normal, it's an every-day kind of day and the next the heart of someone you love stops beating. And they're gone. A brief few seconds of shock, then realization and then the inevitable breaking of the dam. There were condolences and hugs, a few shared tears from understanding hearts. Then I walked away and composed myself. It never even crossed my mind to leave the knitting group and go home, because there was no one waiting for me at home. When I sat back down, red-eyed and sniffling, I picked up my needle and thread and continued to sew. At some point normal conversation resumed and as more ladies arrived with their fiber creations, the mood was lifted and I felt better among the welcome distraction of friends.

See, I believe in reunion after the celebration of a long life lived well. Death is a part of all this, it's as much a part of life as being born. As much as I feel the emptiness and the ache from my Grandma's loss, I also share in her joy of moving on and of eternity.

This isn't the end. This isn't goodbye.

See you soon, Grandma. I love you.

I've always loved tending to plants. When I was 12 my father bought me a large assortment of plants and we built a small wooden planter at the base of hill by the lake and there my garden grew. It grew over with weeds, too, but I'll ignore that fact for now.

While in Germany I went back to the old German tradition of filling my window sills with plants of all kinds. I had one bush in particular that was my favorite. It sucked up about one and a half liters of water every day, but it bloomed with the prettiest pink flower year 'round.

Now that my husband and I live on the ground floor and have an outdoor living space we've both put seeds in the ground and have excitedly watched our seeds burst forth into lush, flourishing plants. I didn't actually get around to planting all the seeds that I intended to plant. The lettuce, carrots and a couple packets of flowers were left untouched.

The zinnias and poppies that I planted have yet to flower, but to the left you can see my climbers already in early bloom and madly climbing our trellis. Originally the dirt on top of those seeds got washed partially away and the sprouted seeds were exposed, I covered them up again but I wasn't sure if they were going to make it. Yet, as you can see, they have! I'm still crossing my fingers that my strawberry plants will bear more fruit than the 3 pathetic little danglers I had a month ago.

My husband's cacti seeds never came up. I think he neglected to keep the soil moist and warm enough for them to sprout. He did however plant jalapeno peppers that I believe will be bearing some spicy fruit before long. And going back to his roots of farming, he planted a mini corn field in our yard! We're both grew up in Michigan, a place where fresh corn on the cob in the summer and fall are a meal staple and much loved. I'm standing in front of the plants to demonstrate how tall they've grown. I was having a bad kind of day that only a 9-month pregnant woman in the summer can have, so please ignore the not so photogenic qualities of my pose. The ears on our corn are already developing, while my father-in-laws' stalks in Michigan are just barely knee-high. Up north we say if your stalks reach your knees by the 4th of July, you'll have a good fall harvest. Virginia is an awesome place to grown corn apparently because we have far surpassed the knee-high rule!