Umiko

I'm not even going to begin to recap on the last few weeks in the new house. It's been both invigorating to be out of the hotel and exhausting to have multiple projects going on at once. Whenever we finally get SOMETHING finished I'll start posting the progress photos...  but at the moment the chaos is too much for even a digital photo.

Some of what I have going on:

• painting vintage dressers for the bedroom so our clothes are not in totes on the floor
• mentally designing my home daycare rooms
• painting and restyling lamps
• covering IKEA mirrors with fabric
• knitting vase covers
• making a wax paper chandelier
• sewing curtains for my son's room
• researching upholstery fabric to bring new life to the seller's left-behind chairs
• going bonkers staring at the most hideous wallpaper-like wall paneling ever

That about sums it up (I think).

Today, we're having some nasty weather.  I just barely managed to fit The Beast (the Suburban) in the car port. Luckily, I'm a lot smaller than my husband... otherwise I might have had to exit the vehicle from the trunk. I got absolutely soaked in the process and experienced the joy of being battered by chickpea size hail.

Except for my knitted vase covers I have not been knitting anything since we moved in. I assure you, my hands are depressed. My husband works Monday-Friday, so every weekend that he's home we take full advantage of having time together as a family and more time to work on home projects.

Right now I feel like the house will never get done. Previously when we have moved, the house has been move-in ready as it was and we never had plans to alter it in any way. But here... we're ripping up and replacing flooring, we're painting, we're putting up walls and building things. It's a long process having to work around a young child and a full time job!

Surfing the internet really paid off for me this week! I've had my Swagbucks account for about a year and have been trading in my points for Amazon gift cards. I've been saving them for a rainy day... said rainy day was last week. If you don't know about Swagbucks - click the link and sign up, it's free and it's effortless money!

Today I got these sweet books in the mail-

The Knitgrrl Guide To Professional Knitwear Design (How To Keep Your Knits About You) by Shannon Okey from Knitgrrl.com and Knitgrrlstudio.com.

I bought this as a shelf book. And when I say shelf book, what I really mean is a reference book for later. I don't feel like I'm ready to start designing patterns, but the interest is there. I'm having too much fun just knitting for myself right now. I like to know the ins and outs of things before I start, so reading up on the WWWWW & H of designing knitted garments/items is a good place for me to gain some perspective of the bigger picture.

While doing a few loads of laundry this afternoon I made it to almost the end of the third chapter. Shannon covers a lot more than I was expecting in just the first few chapters! The first chapter is about professionalism, which in any line of business, is a must. The second chapter covers social media, a very important part of business in this day and age. The third chapter was interesting because Shannon touches on where a knitter can profit from her expertise outside of just knitting and designing by offering professional services related to knitting. It makes me wonder why more math whiz knitters haven't become technical editors themselves!

So that's how far I've made it so far. The writing is clear and concise; there's also a healthy dose of Shannon's own wit and humor, too. I can't wait to read through this book, but it may take longer because we'll be embarking on moving into our house this weekend and running head-first into a dozen DIY home improvement projects. I was thinking though... paint samples - they would make great guides for yarn colors!

Here's the second book I have been lusting after for awhile. It's been on my wishlist for at least 6 months for sure! My family and I were so busy today, I didn't even get a chance to crack it open, but plan on skimming through before I go to bed. I'm positive it will make for some colorful and lacy dreams!

I also want to get my hands on the Vogue Knitting Stitchionary Volume One: Knit & Purl: The Ultimate Stitch Dictionary from the Editors of Vogue Knitting Magazine (Vogue Knitting Stitchionary Series), The Vogue Knitting Stitchionary Volume Two: Cables: The Ultimate Stitch Dictionary from the Editors of Vogue Knitting Magazine (Vogue Knitting Stitchionary Series), and maybe some day I'd be interested in picking up a copy of The Vogue Knitting Stitchionary Volume Three: Color Knitting: The Ultimate Stitch Dictionary from the Editors of Vogue Knitting Magazine (Vogue Knitting Stitchionary Series).

If you own any of the Vogue Knitting Stitchionary books I'd love to know what you think - or if there are even better ones that you prefer.

When I get the time and have our internet hooked up at the house, I'll be writing more about knitting books that I love or wasted money on.

Also, a note to anyone who may be cooped up in a hotel for two months waiting to move into a house: save your gift cards for online shopping! Stagger your orders by about a week or two so you always have something to look forward to in the mail. I'm so thankful that we have a local friend who has allowed us to have mail delivered to them!

Have a great weekend!

I can hardly believe it - we are in single digit days until we move into our new-to-us home. Friday, the 29th, is our contract closing date. This is the point in blogging when I have to restrain all the nasty things I have to say about the sellers, because I may very well go off the deep end and honestly, it's just not nice. Why do I want to rip them to shreds with words? Well... we got our hopes up that we wouldn't have to live in our hotel for the full 50 days (that's almost two months, people! UGH!). Then, two weeks ago our realtor let us down as easily as she could after confirming that the sellers are "overwhelmed" and that we shouldn't plan on having our household goods delivered until the 29th or after.

I'm so glad that we spent half a day shopping the Easter sales for flooring, otherwise the news today would have been even more frustrating. The good news is that my husband actually approved of the deep purple carpet I was not-so-secretly lusting after for the bedroom. That, and we found extremely discounted carpet for the living room and saved 75% on the laminate flooring. Although we spent at least $60 on gas money shopping around over the last two weeks, we estimated that we saved roughly $1,500 on flooring. Totally worth it! I am so excited that I am going to have a real dirty-work art space downstairs for clay working and tattooing.

Ah yes, and the bad news is that the help we were hoping to have won't be there. My father-in-law was supposed to fly in this weekend to help us rip up flooring and install the new, but we were very sad to hear that he went in for surgery early this morning to have his gall bladder removed. Apparently he was experiencing some horrific abdominal pain last night before checking himself into the ER. Thank God it wasn't something more serious and that they were able to operate quickly to remove the stone-filled gal bladder and stop the infection that was settling into his liver. My husband has a few friends who may have been able to help, but the outlook on that happening is looking pretty bad right now.

I've been steadily knitting. I finished an interesting little tshirt from the current Interweave Knits magazine, I'm 80% done with the modified Coachella tank top and plugging away at a few rounds here and there on a hat. I can't believe how much I have knitted in the last two months. I think I'm making up for all the time I spent in Michigan not knitting.

The older that Lucas gets, the less that he's interested in me playing with him. So... I knit and talk to him while he plays by himself and we talk about what he's doing. His vocabulary skills improve every day and most days it seems like he is just overflowing with the desire to communicate every interesting detail of his life. Nowadays I have very little guessing to do when it comes to his needs and wants, he is capable of communicating so much to me. I am so taken aback by how quickly he learns, most of the time all I can do is smile like only a proud mother can and relish every moment of his personal journey and discovery of the world. His joy is my joy, his hurt is my hurt, his accomplishment is my pride... Being a mother is (for me) so spectacular and fun that I will never find the words to describe it properly.

One of these days I'll have my laptop hooked up to the internet again and I'll finally be able to start posting most photos of my knitting and progress on the house. I have the feeling that this year is going to be very full and very fulfilling.

Yes, I have house fever. I can't wait to move in to our new house. We've been driving by every few days just to remind ourselves that we will not, in fact, be trapped in our hotel room forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel... and at the end of next month, but hopefully sooner. I think we're at max 37 days and counting down.

This year has brought a lot to look forward to - a new state, new friends, a new home, new yarn shops to visit and for me personally, dozens of DIY projects to really pour some personality into our new home. I'm already planning on covering my dining room wall with a collection of unique and artsy clocks. I have had a weird tick for clocks since a middle school art class introduced me to Salvador Dali. I figure since the Noro Kureyon table cloth I am knitting will be all kinds of bright and cheerful, I might as well extend that to my wall. I have a few clocks picked out that I love on Etsy and many more that I have favorited as inspiration to make my own clocks. I'm hoping that I'll be able to find and redo some clocks from local thrift stores.

I spoke to our realtor today and happily found out that the sellers will be leaving some furniture behind after I dropped a hint that we would be interested in anything they didn't feel like taking and the king size waterbed in the fourth bedroom. So..yay! That means that I will hopefully have plenty of furniture to paint and fix up.

I don't have a plan for my knitting room yet. It would be awesome if the existing couch in there would stay, but I'm not getting my hopes up yet. I can't decide if I want to paint it purple like I did in my apartment in Germany or leave it a purist white. I'm very picky about wall colors. I can't stand any degree of yellow or orange on walls. Not a fan of pastels in general, really. I think I can get away with a deeper hue because the room is in the corner of the house and has two windows with lots of light.

The kitchen is kind of a stale mate for me right now. The backsplash is old-lady-esque, although not completely shudder-worthy. I am thrilled that the cabinets are in beautiful shape, well-made and completely white. I am very tired of wooden cabinets in the kitchen. I'm considering either standard grass green tiles or some shade of green glass tiles. I've contemplated pulling design inspiration from the appliances - vintage, because that is more definately what the appliances are indeed. Not vintage ugly, just really vintage.

The only thing that has been putting a damper on our relocation was the news that my husband will more than likely be getting deployed this year, either this summer or in the fall. As if that weren't bad enough, now I don't have a "safe" time to book my flight to Germany to visit my Dad. July or August is probably my best bet. I was hoping to fly a little closer to the off season - namely, in September, but that looks like a bad time now. I know we'll work something out and if the worst comes to worse, then I will simply have my in-laws either come to me to watch my son or bring him to them. Regardless of what happens this year, I will keep my promise to my Dad to visit him. By the time I see him, it will have been nearly three years, the longest I have ever gone without seeing my Dad. I miss him like crazy and I'm excited to see how his life has changed, too - he remarried and moved to another city shortly after we left the country.

The only yarny update I have for today is that I am steadily plugging away at the tablecloth and nearly finished with the baby blanket. Earlier this week I picked up the beads and ribbon I needed to start a light sweater. My knitting fever has calmed a bit now that my husband was surprised with a four-day weekend and I'm not left alone all day with our toddler. I've decided to wait on a Knit Picks order and instead use my Paypal money on Etsy purchases. This weekend we're going to be scoping out some furniture stores nearby and price out livingroom chairs. We decided that our bulky reclining couches will work better in the family room downstairs than in the formal livingroom.

Here's hoping that the hail falling outside doesn't get any bigger...! Kansas weather is an odd ball at best. 80 degrees one day and freezing the next.

I am absolutely distraught over the fact that nearly my entire stash of yarn is sitting in storage, waiting to find a new home in our new home. Distraught. Freaking out. Pheaning. Head hitting table. 40 more days to go until we move in? FML.

Yesterday we bought a second vehicle to enable my son and me to get around while my husband is at work and we're cooped up in our studio apartment hotel. Knitting has definitely played a prominent role in maintaining my sanity.... but... then the new Interweave Knits came out and all hell broke loose. That, and now that the weather is showing signs of letting up on winter and letting spring come in, I need to cast on four new projects. Right now. This instant. And I don't have the yarn for three of them. I've been making good progress on my soon-to-be-born nephew's baby blanket and a colorful Noro tablecloth for our house, but without something selfish on the needles I'm feeling a little empty. I am dead set on finishing the first two projects before I start another, but my determination is waning.

The other day we were shopping for some new kid's movies at Walmart and we passed a package of drumsticks. I thought they were knitting needles. My husband told me I am obsessed with knitting. We'll have been married 4 years at the end of this month and he's just now getting that? Is that how slow men really work?!

Yes, I am knitting fever's bitch right now. I am having a very difficult time deciding whether to spend some of the Christmas money my father sent us on interesting home items from Etsy next month or buying yarn NOW and having it sent to a friend's house. I know we're going to need some things to make our new house a home, but my hands are itching to stroke and knot some new string. Namely, string that will turn into two new tshirts and a short-sleeved open cardigan for myself.

I'm going to sleep on it and make a decision when am I thinking more clearly in the morning. The only thing that held me back from ordering a few thousand yards of yarn today was the fact that Knit Picks didn't have the colors I was looking for until the end of next month. I think it's a sign.

So 75 posts into my blog it came to a grinding halt. I can't really tell you why... maybe I lost interest in blogging or mommyhood just kept me too busy. Either way, I'm back (sort of) for the time being. My paper journal got a little more attention while my online blog suffered, but nothing too significant. In the time since being away from here my husband left my son and I to go to Texas to become a K-9 handler for the Army, something he's wanted to do since joining the military over 8 years ago. He routinely comes home with bite marks, muddied boots and ripped uniforms. The dog is fresh out of school just as he is!

Much has happened recently. While my husband was away at school I did little knitting. I knitted a hat for my step-dad's gargantuon head and casted off too loosely, so I'll be redoing that one. I knitted my mother a beautiful purple silk and bamboo scarf. My mom is one size bigger than I am, so I gifted her the red and purple sweater I knitted right after giving birth to Lucas. It looks fantastic on her and I no longer have to worry about all those knitting hours going to waste as the sweater sits in a drawer, unworn.

My family and I recently moved to our next duty station in Kansas. In the process of moving and driving I finished Lucas's Detroit Tigers sweater, knitted my pregnant friend a blanket for a baby who will hopefully make it full term, started a table cloth for the dining room in our soon to be new house and I'm furiously knitting a baby blanket for my sister in law, whom is due May 5th.

After moving, I wasted no time in finding a new knitting group. We had our first meeting last Sunday and it was longer than the one in Virginia. But, just as the one in Virginia, knit night meant bad weather. I got caught in a terrible snow storm and called my hubby in near tears to talk me through the worst of the white out that had me driving 25 mph in a 70 mph highway area. For some reason, Knit Night always means a Nor'Easter, a snow storm, a torrential downpour or something of that nature. But, come hell or high water, I will knit.

I'm excited to be in a new place, despite the fact that it is missing the bigger city shopping opportunities. To cheer myself up I put in a big order for Victoria's Secret with the Christmas gift card I had and am having it delivered to a friend on base. Nothing cheers me up like yarn and a new bra that makes my ta-tas look awesome :)

Well, that's it for now. I am busy enteraining my toddler in our tiny studio apartment hotel room all day while my hubby is away at work and knitting, row after row on my SIL's baby blanket.

Life is still good, it's just more complicated than usual!

I won't say the vast majority of the population is on social networking sites, but I have to say that in my age range, there are a lot of people online. Over the years, I've reconnected with a lot of old friends from school and travels. Best friends that I lost contact with became new to me all over again. It happened again recently and it's been really fun reconnecting.

There's nothing quite as enjoyable about rediscovering a person all over again, yet also having the past history to exchange funny, "Remember that one time when.." kind of stories. J and I spent a lot of time together back in the day and we've shared some pretty heavy experiences in life. It's nice to laugh about the good 'ole days, but the harder times are painful to talk about - even now.

It's really difficult to lose the ones that you love, but it's even better to gain them back.

I'm just going to write. I don't care how it all comes out and in what format, or in what order. It's all jumbled in my head anyways, so maybe I can make sense of it later. Many fragments, little wholeness.

As my husband has been gone the last week, I've felt the inner pull to prepare my heart for the future. We're embarking on a path together that wasn't in my vision of the future. I thought we would get out of the military, go back "home" and start our own brand of life together. That changed, and with that change I feel like I have to change, too.

This whole last year, plus some, has been one long-winded change of all kinds. At times it's been really difficult to find a branch to grasp on the long fall from the top of the tree. In essence, it's been like falling from "here" to "there", and "there" is the here and the now, the reality, ground level.

Becoming a wife, a military wife, a mother, a housewife, a person taken out of her familiar element. Taken further away from my own ambitions, my personal desires, the things I used to fill my days with. At times it's been unsettling, others it has been amazing, mostly it's somewhere in between the latter two. I know, without a doubt, that I am not the first or last woman who has had to struggle with coming to terms with my role as a person changing. Also, having to deal with my own sense of identity, grasping at the tangled remains of who I was, who I want to be now, who I want to be in the future.

I miss the feeling of being able to create my life one day at a time without regard to tomorrow. For many years I lived my self-created adventure. I laughed in the face of ho-hum existance and tried to make even the small things exciting, meaningful and memorable. I think of myself as a person that tries to live "deeply", absorbing as much in as I can handle and then maybe a little more, just for good measure.

I've become awfuly complacent about my life recently. There are phases that last for a few months and I ride the high of evolving and changing and then it pitter patters out to blahness again. I did a group book study on a couple of books and felt wholly and completely invigorated, then I went into the practical stage of putting the new things I had learned into application and now I'm here. Here is not pretty, here is not nice. Here is a little bit stagnant, a little bit dark. And I don't like it! I figure this is a good place to start - not in denial, but recognizing that I have come to this place and now is the time to start shaking things up. If you've been reading, then you've probably caught wind that I haven't been feeling 100% fulfilled in general.

I think it all boils down to me and how, in the process of all this change, I forgot to create a new vision for myself and my future with my family. The balloon of passion that has been steadily carrying me through life has lost some elevation and I know that now is the time to start pumping it back up.

One of the big things that has been missing in my life is the creative process. Yes, I've been knitting, but it's for the most part a solitary activity. And solitary is how I feel. I feel a little like a social butterfly with her wings folded together. When we moved here I moved away from a church where I volunteered a lot of my time. I moved away from a really fun full-time tattoo job where I got to meet new people and hear new stories all the time. I moved away from all the interesting countries that were a day's drive away. I moved away from my then-budding interest in creative photography. I was spontaneous, always creative, always on the move.

Now, I stay at home quite a bit so that my son is well-rested and well-fed, and also so that I can see my husband for short stints between his ever-changing, all-demanding job schedule. Life with a young child is a beautiful thing, but it is also poses a restraint to spontaneity. And time. All that time I spent with a tattoo machine in hand, a camera in my face, my hands on the wheel - replaced by the here and the now. I'm left wondering - how do I win some time back for me? I don't want to lose touch with myself any further. I don't want to throw in the towel and become the "white button-down, jeans and sneaker-wearing soccer mom in the suburbs". I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being that person, I'm just saying it's not me.

And that's all I've got on my plate right now. I feel like I have to become a little stronger again because there are times ahead of me that will require me to be much more self-reliant and proactive. I need to prepare my heart for strength against temptation, for patience and more kindness.

Years ago, I hit a point of revelation that sitting around and watching TV was mostly wasteful and numbing and I'd done enough of it. That being said, I really like watching the hoarding shows that have become popular recently. Long ago I knew a very old woman who hoarded very expensive museum-quality antiques. Every surface in her unkept house was covered with stuff. My Dad and I met her while visiting my Great Aunt at the lake and later, when I moved in with my father, she became our landlord. The house we moved in to was ... shocking. It took me weeks to clear the cobwebs, 10 years worth of dust and to sort through the furniture that was stacked ceiling-high. The "house" was quite small and in it were at least 15 dressers, 6 couches, numerous tables in all sizes and and and... it was insane. Not all of it was crap, though. Before moving out we bought all the pieces we liked and later sold them before moving overseas. We made four times the amount that we spent! It was very strange having to weave around furniture to get from one room to the next.

Throughout the years after, I always lived in relatively small spaces with too much stuff. It was always irritating. I'm a sentimental person and I like to hold onto objects that have meaning to me. It goes a little like this: "So-and-So gave me this. I bought this in This Country." Etcetera. There are boxes of "stuff" in random places in the house. Some of the objects in those boxes haven't been touched in years. In the last few years I've been working on downsizing possessions in general. Mine are easy, having my husband follow suit is a whole 'nother story though! But I won't get into that... It's hard to let go of stuff.

My personal story is that after my parents divorced, our house foreclosed and I moved short notice into my Dad's (above) cramped house. My entire childhood went into the landfill. I don't own a single childhood toy or book. All that remains of that time are a few ripped-out pages of my very first diary - red hearts on pink paper and all.

My husband is gone doing some training out of state until the end of the month. In order to escape potential loneliness I've been on a sort-chuck-organize rampage in the house. I did lots of that while nesting, but since it's been difficult while doing a lot of mothering by myself. Now that Lucas is older and can occupy himself for longer periods of time and I don't have a husband to take care of, I have more time to invest in the house. We'll be moving before the winter is officially over with and now is a prime time to gut everything that doesn't need to go through yet another move.

It feels good to see the trash bags go out, to see the charity piles grow and to finally, after a long pause, have space to breathe again. Having a clean, clutter-free living space is energizing for me. I feel less stressed, more at ease and the house seems peaceful and open. There is still plenty that is blocking the total clutter-free state of nirvana I could achieve, but much of that is out of my hands. (Read: husband's stuff, mostly papers and scattered stuff in junk drawers and storage spaces.)

I miss my husband a lot, but at the same time, I've enjoyed the extra time to get things in order and the time to spend with the girls minus guilt trip. Oddly, I've knitted very little. I brought my sweater that's in the process of being designed to knitting group tonight, but picked a meal-time-clean-up washcloth project instead so I could concentrate on socializing. I'm trying to keep my days as full as possible, an occupied mind is one that can't dwell on the negative! :)

Evidence:
Above: Knitted squares, joined with crochet. Finished in 2008, finally got a decent photo. I love this blanket, it's very warm. Materials: Lion Brand Homespun and Gedifra Fashion Trend Astrakan.




Above: WIP Willie Warmer. Materials: TLC Cotton Plus




Above: Razor Cami. Materials: Araucania Ranco Solid




Above: Freehand Stash Bag (crocheted) Materials: Patons Classic Wool and leftovers of Plymouth Boku




Above: Square for Planet Blanket project (crochet). Materials: Red Heart cotton




Above: Noro Spiral Beret. Materials: Noro Silk Garden Chunky.




Above: Best Friend Cowl. Materials: Noro Bonbori and 5 assorted buttons.




Above: Bokulicious Mitered Square Knitting Tote. Materials: Plymouth Boku

Everything except the first picture of my blanket are things that I've completed recently or am in the process of completing. You can see the details and original pattern sources (when available) on my Ravelry Projects Page.

Things are going great and also blah. Lucas is eating again! That's the great news. I don't dare weigh him, in case that puts a damper on his re-newfound curiosity and interest in food that I'm so excited about. I've been slamming out one project after another, which is good.

What's not so hot is that my husband is going away for awhile. He'll be spending about three and a half months out of state from now until the end of January. I'm trying to be strong and not get too depressed, but I hate to be alone and I'm going to miss him. The timing couldn't be worse - the holidays, the winter blues... the "who's going to take out the trash?" issues... Just blah. So, I knit so I don't go nuts. At least it's constructive, from my existent stash and it's not ruining my health. :) Half full, right?

Fabric project bags. I used fabric from my stash and ribbon/lace/bias tape I scored in a big grab bag for a couple dollars at a thrift shop last year.

Yarn: Noro Bonbori

I don't know why it's so hard to find my camera charger and take photos of some of the things I've been working on and my recently acquired stash! I guess it's just not at the forefront of my thoughts.

A few weeks ago I completed the 20 mitered squares to make my felted Boku bag. I bobby pinned all the squares together while having the ladies at knitting group help me arrange the squares in an appealing way. Many of the different colorways had similar colors, more specifically a lot of greens and pinks. It's lovely so far and I can't wait to get it sewn together, but I'm not in the mood to sew all those squares together right now. It seems like a daunting project.

So, instead of finishing and felting the bag I finished up my yarn cake holder for Kristy in her wedding colors. Of course I forgot to get a photo, as I am prone to do with most knitted gifts. Last night I also finished my Best Friend Cowl in Noro Bonbori. I was up late with my husband as he was trying to get in the night shift routine, so while he revisited Barn Yard on the Wii (and tuned me out with his ipod) I spent an exorbitant amount of time picking out the right size, color and shape of buttons for the cowl. I sewed each button on with a similar color of embroidery floss or yarn. I love how it turned out and now I can't wait for fall and winter to hit.

It's times like that when I'm glad I have a well-rounded crafting stash. Speaking of stash, however, I realized recently that I need to start collecting all my missing needle sizes. All too often I have had the yarn and ambition to start a new project only to realize that I'm missing the appropriate needles. And of course, when that happens it's like midnight and I can't exactly wake up Lucas and drag him with me to Walmart or something. Their selection of needles sucks anyways, but that's besides the point!

I casted on for and got half way through with a black Willie Warmer knitted with TLC Cotton Plus. You can find the pattern on Ravelry if you're really curious. I really don't want to knit it, because as much as my husband amuses me by saying he will wear it, I don't believe him. It's just like the hat I made him. "I don't know where it's at," or "It's too warm." Needless to say, he's not on my knitting list anymore. But, he was adamant about the warmer. It's an amusing knit and I love the feel of the yarn so far (I'm kind of a sucker for cotton anything), and luckily it's a very quick project because I know it will not see much use and it's cutting into my more important knitting time.

I promise sometime soon I will bomb the blog with photos. Until then, hopefully you're not too bored reading!

Some days I think I only survive because I know nap time or bed time is coming soon. My son's temperament changes at the drop of hat lately. I've been chalking up the moodiness to teething, the battle that never ends. I know that this will eventually pass, but then what? Terrible twos?

I've noticed myself getting increasingly frustrated and fed up with meal times. I know that I haven't been sleeping enough by choice and this is really been affecting my patience level. Strike one for Mom right there. Lucas came out of a 6-week long phase of refusing almost all finger foods and was back to pureed meals. Awhile ago he came out of that (literally, one day to the next everything changes!) and he had a few good weeks, now we're back to extreme picky eating. I've been reading endlessly about the experiences of other mothers of children this age and realize I am far, far from alone on this topic.

Lucas is refusing to being spoon fed which cuts out his super healthy yogurt and fruit mixes I make him for lunch most days. That also means forgetting about ground up adult dinners from the food mill. You'd be surprised how few choices there are when it comes to soft finger foods and how quickly they become tiresome for a baby. It's maddening because Lucas went from packing on pounds to dropping into the 7 percentile for his age. He has only gained ONE POUND IN FOUR MONTHS!!!!!!

It's disheartening to spend hours a day preparing the healthiest food I can come up with that include things he likes, attempting to feed him and letting him feed himself and then the slimy aftermath of the clean up process. I've taken to duct taping his bowls to the tray and allowing him to at least try spoon feeding himself. There is food in his hair, on his face, in his ears, under his bib, in his lap, his tray becomes an artist's palette of color, the booster seat/highchair is covered and the floor and anything nearby is splattered with whatever he's (not) eating.

Lucas will eat some bread, crackers, bites of a whole banana, and endless amounts of all kinds of cheese willingly, but my regular standbys of scrambled eggs and diced fruits are no longer on his choice of menu. If he were still gaining weight, I wouldn't be concerned, but he's not. People are starting to comment that he's small for his age. I'm just about at my wit's end and ready to try new things.

Some of the suggestions I've read online are:

-Ignore him while he eats. I do this sometimes anyways. I play darts, clean the kitchen or do something where I can still see him.

-Offer only one food. This goes against everything I know about a balanced diet, but at this point, I have to try everything possible that might have worked for someone else.

-Cut back on fluids before meals. Because Lucas is still on-demand breastfed and refuses cow's milk, he often drinks quite a bit of water from his sippy cup.

-Try Pediasure or some other baby shake. I am very anti-fake food and formula types of stuff, but again, desperate times call for desperate measures I guess.

-Let the baby graze on food all day. Nice in theory and I do this at times, but a lot of foods don't have a long life-span unrefrigerated or covered. Bread gets hard, eggs and dairy spoil. And we have dogs who are always on the lookout for scraps of food - this is probably the hardest part of letting him graze.

Normally we have most meals together, but this seems to make him less interested in eating as of late. A couple of times I have set his booster chair and tray down in front of the TV with cartoons and he has happily eaten anything offered to him. I hate doing it, I think it forms a bad habit of mindless eating that could possibly lead to obesity later in life, but I have to do what works right now.

I keep reminding myself that this will pass. I was a horribly picky eater until I was in my teenage years and I am healthy and turned out just fine. What I need to work on just as much as different methods of feeding Lucas is my ATTITUDE. If I'm short with Lucas, appear frustrated and irritated, I know I'm not making it easier or enjoyable for him and therefore shooting myself in my own foot. As I mentioned earlier my lack of sleep has really been affecting my mood and attitude for the worse, so I need to gain a few extra points in the self discipline section and get some more shut eye.

Deep breath. I know I'm not the only mother who has faced the "My child won't eat," battle.

Either it's late at night or my life has just become too routine and mundane. It may be a mix of both.

Eating, sleeping, showering, being a mommy - the daily grind. I really need to add in more things that I actually enjoy and things that allow me to feel like me and not just a robot.

1) Problem: I've been talking about finishing my tattoo forever now, but for whatever reason I don't make make an appointment with myself to sit down and finish it.

Solution: This month I will either pick a day that my husband isn't working or I will call my babysitter.

2) Problem: My wardrobe is more tired than I am and I only get an average of 5.5 hours of sleep a night.

Solution: Yarn diet as of immediately. Go shopping after lunch and/or when my husband is available to come with me or watch Lucas at home.

3) Problem: Fabric stash.

Solution: Haul sewing machine and fabric downstairs and start sewing while Lucas naps or in the evenings when Tom is home/Lucas is in bed.

I think 3 goals for the next two months is plenty.

I'll keep you updated on my progress or the lack thereof.

If I could simply go through my stash and wear a few balls of yarn, I would be happy. I don't think most local businesses would appreciate that outfit though. :)

My wardrobe is so tired these days I feel like I'm going to need a prince to give it a magical kiss to bring it back to life. That, or all my be-liked clothes are hiding in a hamper somewhere. I don't know what happened... or what's happening. For a long time now I haven't been happy with my look or my clothing. Buying a shirt or two that's really "me" doesn't make the rest of my wardrobe any brighter or inviting.

I have a very modest wardrobe in terms of the actual number of garments that I wear or will ever wear again. Half my clothes are really worn out - bottoms of favorite jeans shredded (oh, the woes of being on the short side and not getting things tailored), holes in my tshirts, faded.. you get my drift. Now, with a one year old to care for and whatnot, I find myself reaching for skirts and dresses less and less. I can't exactly hike up a whole dress to nurse in public. With all the bending and floor time with the little one, skirts aren't the best idea either. At least not the short skirts that I own, but I own maybe 2 skirts that are knee-length or slightly longer. One of those skirts is a patchwork style skirt in very bright colors and designs that I got in Barcelona and the other is a worn out black linen number that I hate to iron.

What to do when your wardrobe gets "old"? I'm trying to figure that out. The main problems are that I don't make time to go shopping, I don't particularly enjoy spending hours on end pushing through overly-stuffed racks of clothing, having to wait in line for a dressing room and the real big one, most of my share of our disposable income goes to buying knitting-related items (read: yarn.) And have I mentioned that I am really picky about clothes that I love? I own a lot of basic tshirts and "safe" clothes that I like because I need things to wear regardless of whether I find anything that I really love. But that's it - I'm tired of hardly ever finding something with my name written all over it.

Maybe I'm just lazy. I see women in public all the time that I would gladly swap outfits with, but I guess I don't make the extra effort anymore to find the right accessories to pull an outfit together like I want.

The last couple of years have been very transitional for me. I'm getting closer to 30 and I don't know what that means or if I care. I still feel like I'm stuck in the teen years in many ways and can't break out of who I was to who I am now. Honestly, it goes so much deeper than clothing. I haven't been in touch with who I am for quite some time now - probably since I got married and life got a whole lot more serious. I guess I'm in a kind of rut and don't know how to break out of it right now.

More on this later perhaps..

Fireworks are exploding in my house right now. My husband is at the re-enlistment office putting in his request for our next duty station. We got lucky and the one we wanted is open. Yay! Now we're just waiting for an answer and a date. I love the "journey", but knowing the destination is major plus.

Secondly, I was on Ravelry replying to a post about useful knitted baby items and instead of bombing the thread with my reply, here's my list for future reference for mom and baby:

• Hooded towels
• Washcloths
• Wash mitt
  
• Bathtoys (knitted over a floating toy/ball)
• Bath toy hanging bag
  
• Highchair cover
• Stroller cover
• Shopping cart cover
• Bibs with pockets
• Blocks
• Placemat
• Boppy cover
• Changing pads
• Baseball/sun hats
• Toy bag
• Squishy rug
• Wall art
• Mobile
• Soft bath things for mom because it hurts "down there"
• Frozen meals
• Frozen cookie rolls
• Knitted animal/colors/alphabet book
• Diaper bag
• Baby shoes drawstring tote
• Color wheels & b/w toys for newborns
• Legwarmers/knee protectors
• Sleep sack
• Usual array of hats, booties, mittens
• Hood/scarf combo piece for warmth without strangulation
• Burp cloths
• Pacifier case
• Corner protectors for tables and legs
  
• Stackable rings
• Blanket (duh)
• Tank tops for summer (harder to find in stores)
• Dresses (tend to be expensive)
• Rocking chair pillows
• Wrist knitting bag for sling mommies
• Nursing necklace
• Mommy bandana or headband
• Nursing cover cardi
  

Non-knitted items:

• Mini food chopper
• Baby/toddler cook books and food prep specs
• Eating and drinking utensils and accessories for all stages
• Pumping accessories (bags, drop-ins)
  
• Nursing pads (expensive!)
• Pads
  
• Cool packs for "down there"
• Donut to sit on
• Diaper Genie refills
• Diapers and wipes galore
• GCs for baby-related stores
• GCs for photographers/photo processing
• Travel coffee mugs for safer drinking
• A gigantic bottle of liquor because she'll need it!!!! Just kidding.

I'm sure I'll be adding to this list over time and as new things occur to me. These are some of the things I would have liked to have had, things that friends have requested the most or things that I wish I would have had time to make but couldn't because I was busy being a new mommy myself. I hope someone besides me finds this list useful!

And I did. I ripped it. I've been making steady daily progress on my purple Razor Cami and finally tried it on tonight. What did I discover? That it's too long. I ripped back (3.5 inches) until the point that I was supposed to divide the stitches for the front and back. *sigh* At least I'll have something to work on at knitting group tomorrow. The end is so close I can taste it. This is why I knit - for the end, pulling something over my head and doing circles in front of the mirror with the "I did it" look of victory on my face.

I really must recharge my camera battery, I have some long overdue yarn p0rn photos due. I should warn you though - it's bright, it's colorful, and it's MINE!

That's all for tonight. I am enjoying some new music on Pandora and finishing off the rest of a bottle of wine. I'm going to put my knitting down and continue drawing my next tattoo.

Really. Is it? I'm starting to think that's possible. It seems like whenever I say that my yarn stash is outgrowing its storage area, I add to it. Wonderful yarny friends who go with flashlights into storage units diving for yarn, local sales and sidewalk sales really make my resolution to limit my yarn purchases a difficult resolution to keep. Noro at 50% off? How can anyone who loves Noro say no to that?! My husband, the Enabler, is also no longer helpful in limiting my yarn purchases.

I've been reading some of the forum threads on Ravelry recently and came across a few that tackled the stash issue. It never occurred to me that my stash might actually have to be in my will. I'm hoping that the stash that does outlive me is smaller than it will realistically be in who knows how many years. My husband asked me about my stash the other day and like a person with something to hide, I smirked and shrugged when he asked about how many balls of yarn I have and what I thought it might be worth. In comparison to many, many fiber-lovers out there, I think my stash is quite containable. I have tried and tried to set limits - ie. whenever this is full, I have to use up some yarn before I add more. YEAH RIGHT! You know exactly what I'm talking about, too. Knitting, for me, is based on my mood. I might have enough yarn for 30 or so projects, but if I'm not in the mood to knit that right now, then the yarn is parked for now.

I had good intentions with my New Year's Resolution to stash bust. And that's where it ended. Once I broke the seal on that one my stash has been steadily growing much faster than I can knit, which is kind of a "duh" statement for any knitter. I think I'm making up for lost stash-adding time, I'm going to try to stop buying yarn again because I'm a little stressed out about it. We're not going broke over string, but I've seriously run out of room for my yarn in our small house and I'm afraid that if I keep adding yarn with planned projects that I'm going to crack and starting casting on for every single one them and never finish anything. I just re-read this paragraph and it makes me sound like an addict. Me? No. Never. Is there KA (Knitters Anonymous) group out there yet?

I'm all about the end result: getting it done and using/wearing it. That's why I don't like to have too many projects on the needles. When I start a new project I am usually kind of sad because I know it's going to take awhile to finish (a few weeks, a few months) and I thrive on instant gratification. The first few inches of anything take every ounce of ambition to get through until I hit the half way mark, then I'm roaring to go and excited about my project knowing the end is near. I almost never procrastinate on finishing a piece, be it sewing or weaving in ends. To me, it's the cherry on the top, seeing something finally fully come together. I wonder what that says about my personality and how I live my life in general. Maybe it will mean that I'll go out with a bang, my cherry in place.

I heart yarn. Good night!

I was just enjoying a late night sit outside. A thought crossed my mind. I thought about burning/deleting all of my journals, written and digital. I'm not sure why I even thought of it, to be honest. Since I was very little and started journaling, my diaries have held a sacred place in my life. I'm a person who likes to hold onto things - people, memories, well-liked possessions.

The written account of my life has followed me through the years. My books have traveled with me through many moves, from various homes in Michigan to multiple apartments in Germany, even farther away to Turkey, and now back in the States, to Virginia. Once a year or so I'll page through some of the books. They are filled with all different kinds of handwriting, colored inks and many were gifts from close friends and family. Some of my journals are filled with boring details of who-what-whens, many entries are about who I was doting on at the time, other writings are painful, dark and downright depressing.

I have written about first loves, first lovemaking, fears, abuse, drugs, crimes, my walk with the Creator, friends and family, travels, poetry, simple happiness, pregnancy, books that have touched me, disappointment, confusion, revelations, deep depression, hopelessness: the good, the bad and the ugly. Unfortunately, the bad and the ugly are dominant themes in too many of my entries. When I do read back, I'm left with the lingering feeling of the past's darkness. And that feeling is sometimes hard to shake.

There are times, like tonight, when I question my motives about holding onto my journals. Although my life has been interesting to me, that doesn't mean I would ever want to expose it to the public by having it published. Most of the time I don't really enjoy reading about my past. Even though I love and trust my husband very much, I would never feel comfortable having him read in explicit description the details of my life prior to our marriage. In a way, it's the only thing or part of myself that I don't share with him. I think it's okay to have something that is just mine in a way, but there's also a part of me that feels like it's something that I passively hide from him. A lot of what I wrote is embarrassing even to me. The writing was often immature and superficial, mundane, and sometimes... sometimes just not really me. Some of the things that I have written about make me want certain individuals in my life again that shouldn't ever be in my life again. Some entries make me remember certain painful experiences and I relive the pain, neglect and hate that I once felt. These are not positive things. And for me, these feelings are especially unhealthy because I have worked so hard to expunge them from my heart and mind.

So again, why am I holding onto them? The only real purpose that my journals have served up until now is to remind me that things are not always as they are remembered and that I've come a long way from being the person I was and have a long way to being the person I will or want to be. Rereading that last sentence is maybe my answer. Maybe I just need a reminder so that I will remember what to never be again.

I don't know, I'm not ready to destroy them yet, but I think there might come a day when I will be ready.